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Took A Wrong Turn Down a Dangerous Path

It's so hard to go back in time and remember what I went through before I got to this point in my life. I can't quite explain the feeling I have these days because it is so great it can't be put into words.
It is amazing that only a few years ago I was just withering away feeling so lost and wanting love where it just wasn't. Life is hard enough and even harder when you make some real bad decisions.

So what was it, that is so horrible that it made me feel so lost and depressed? I'm pretty sure it started way before this but this part really sticks out in my mind. It is the year I decided I wanted to open my marriage because I felt I wasn't getting enough love in my marriage.

I just want to point out that I am the absolute last person who would ever open up my marriage but at the time it just seemed so normal. My friends were doing it, it was the "cool thing" to do, and somehow I was convinced that it was okay to go to my husband and ask him "Hey, can I see other people? But still stay married?" like it was just ok to ask.
But it isn't easy to ask. I was nervous to ask, my background view was: I don't ever want to cheat on my husband and I never want to get a divorce. I am a big believer in monogamy but here I was opening up my marriage because my best friend said it was helping her marriage and maybe it could help mine too.
Well, after some talking and convincing, I got my husband to open our marriage but there were certain rules. I was only pursing the same sex and I expected the same from my husband (my husband was not into the same sex at all at the time), no opposite sex contact unless for friendship only. In my mind, I thought that my jealousy would be lessened if we did it this way, since why should my husband have another opposite sex relationship when I'm here. It really was a messed up way of thinking but at the time just seemed like it was normal and would work.

Well, what do you think happened? Did it work? Did it bring us closer?


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