Skip to main content

Pressure

In 2016 I felt tired, defeated, deeply depressed and lost. I especially felt down due to my marriage seeming to fall apart and finances running thin. My marriage seemed like it was on the brink of divorce, if any more leaned up against it we were going to tip and fall over. I was holding grudges left and right, I couldn't let go of anything, and it ate at me, consumed my head and heart and made me feel really alone. I avoided discussions, fights, arguments at any cost, and shut down lines of communication with my partner. It seemed better to just dwell than to talk about it. I was frustrated with where we stood in life, I just wasn't feeling the love anymore, and I was thinking we either had to get help from counseling or separate.

Honestly, marriage is hard enough on its own, then mix 2 kids into it, a mortgage as big as your head, never ending bills, living paycheck to paycheck, one working parent, a whole lot of drama in between and stress up to your eyeballs, then your marriage starts to crack under the pressure. More and more just seemed to be added. This was my every day feeling.

I didn't know what was going to come next but I knew something had to change.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Apartment Hunt Part 2

I had gotten my in-laws to watch our kids for the weekend while I went up to look for houses/apartments with my partner. Apartments were more important but there was this one house that was on the market that I was just aching to see and I wanted to see what the area had to offer before we moved there. My partner found a local realtor - this took time too because realtors are also hard to come by in the area and have a hard time communicating as well. My partner left numerous messages for local realtors and never got a call back. Eventually he just had to put out a mass email via the contact form on one of websites of the many popular realtors in the area and see who bit first. After much deliberation one gentleman got back to him, so my partner set up a time for us to meet during the weekend I was coming up. I got the kids off to their grandparents house and hit the road, it was a wonderful drive. Got to avoid the city completely and drove on country routes, a very easy ride up. I g...
Post a Comment
Read more

Which One, Which One

Big decisions to make, now we had two apartment applications and the decision was in my hands. My partner made it clear we just had pick one real soon cause moving day was upon us. He liked them both for one reason or another. The one that was $1200 wanted an answer quickly, they had another couple who wanted the apartment and said we had to make a decision fast. So, a lot of pressure was added. I didn't want to live in the abutting state or be in the city but if someone else was interested in the apartment that was $1200, I didn't see the reason why we should be pushed into the apartment just because it was in our desired town, it was the wrong fit for our family and the main road with our small child was not ideal. So we chose the $905/month apartment in the city, across from the bus garage. It had the big kitchen, new look in the bathroom, new look in the kitchen, new carpeting, new fresh paint, and an extra bonus room for our son to sleep in (although technically a 2 bedroo...
Post a Comment
Read more

Pictures are deceiving

Later that day we saw the house, in the same town I was exploring, and unfortunately pictures are deceiving. The house had a lot of character but the land layout was not what I had in mind. The house was off a main road although the road it abutted was quiet and serene. The house seemed like the perfect home for us, mudroom, first floor laundry, beautiful original woods, beams, giant living room with stone fireplace, possible in-law suite or apartment, 2 bathrooms (both downstairs and next to each other), and 4 bedrooms. However, there was a serious issue with the chimney, peeling paint, roof had to be redone and the apartment needed to be finished. The yard layout was lengthy behind the home but not really a great garden space. The updates that had been done to it were unfinished and done shoddily. My heart sunk. A house I thought was just perfect for us, wasn't in reality. This would be just the first of a long list of homes that would disappoint. After seeing the house I dropp...
Post a Comment
Read more